another blow

Hi Gene,
 
Have you shut the door on going?  Or have you asked for what you want in a really clear way and let it go, trusting that the universe will provide...  It is still possible!


Hello Jacque, And everyone else.

What can I tell you. My whole life has been one adventure after another. I decided at 19 to live my life as I went. At 19 there is no understanding of getting older and having a different set of issues to deal with. In many ways that was good as it allowed me to see and do many things that I probably would not have done.

I have always lived my life that the next great event is just around the corner. Now with, "The Secret" I realize that instead of having that next great event . . . "around the corner" I ought to manifest in 'NOW'.

Last September I had an Aurvedic Astralogy report done. I have known this fellow for about 4 years. He thanked me for coming when I did as Saturn was moving out of my chart. He said that I had had 30 years of hard yakka. Now that was all lifting and I would be free of Saturn for 17 years. He also said not to expect a rapid change in prosperity or relationships but that it would definitely be coming my way.

Well, being the positive creating fellow that I am I decided why wait. I changed my whole personal from White clothes with a long guru beard to nearly suit and tie. And it all worked fantastically. The next several shows all went really well. Conscious Living here. Brisbane, Every thing was just clicking along nicely.

Then I asked my wife for a separation. It was like throwing flame at a bunch of balloons. They burst. I burst. I have been in a dive ever since. Overall, that is the pattern of my life. Boom and bust. Never so much bust that I don't get going again. Always hoping that I will get "it" right the next time.

I have my dream board. I look at it daily. In exasperation to tell the truth. Right now my finances are worse off than any time since my arrival here in Australia. There is hope. The work is available that is for sure. If I just can stay at home and stay low I will have the bills paid off. I feel like a work hiding under a rock to keep away from the Kook a burra's. It is not my style. I can get in another housemate. I really like my quite evenings alone. It is a trade off. I am going to put out my massage flyers again and healing too.

Just to show you how off the mark that I am. I purchased tickets to go to a show in Adelaide this coming weekend on 20 December. Got a really great deal. Then while I was traveling over east I cancelled going to the show. Now I knew since near the end of March that I needed to cancel those tickets to have that money available for the next trip over east.

For what ever reason I just kept putting it off. I FINALLY got around to it this evening. I could only cancel half because it needs to be canceled 24 hours before flying and the out bound was for tomorrow. I lost $140. By the way I never won at Monopoly either.

I was feeling devastated Sunday night when I realized that I couldn't go to Thailand. Now this.

I watched a movie the other night. Cinderella Man. Based on a true story. A fighter makes a come back during the depression. The idea of that level of brokedness terrifies me. My sister had a picture of me when we were children at school. Kids being kids wallets were stolen by other kids playfully just to torment etc. Across my picture she had a newspaper cutout that said, Fragile. Well, I suspect that she was right. I suspect that she saw something in me that I still have not figured out about me. Of course the kids all teased the piss out of me. So, I learned to hide out from the tormentors. I learned how to be happy with me. Sometimes it even works.

I did a class while at Uni. It was to explore real life finances. We were given scenarios where we had a fixed income and many choices of housing, food, entertainment, cars to buy, etc. It was designed to show everyone how quickly and easily it is to get into debt. I worked out a strategy where if I stayed at home reading books, listening to the radio for entertainment and ate cheaply I would not go broke. DUH look at me now living out that dream.

My wife is out having another adventure on the Leeuwin (leeuwin.org) and I am writing of adventures driving a forklift. yehah );

Something isn't right in me. And I don't know how to change it. So, all I can do is keep on keepin on you know. There will be another boom. I will do my best as I have done in the past to save for the bust. Though the bust usually comes on gradually and I am flattened slowly running out of cash as I go.

I have no family here. Few friends and not enough people emailing me wondering what the heck I am up to. I hear so seldom from my family I may as well not have any. I received one email from my brother since I got here. I couldn't read it and asked for it to be in another format. Not another word.

We Shafers are a stand offish bunch. Sometimes that is good. Sometimes it doesn't feel so good.

Enough of my being on the stump whinging for tonight.

Per Thailand, I cannot justify it in any way. The learning curve of learning of me is well under way.

peace

gene

may you be well and happy