Hello All,
Well, it might be momentary, BUT, Sara finally got it. She went off this arvo to a psychologist that she has been working with.
Some how, some thing said, one of the healings received today, or one of the conversations something got her around to the fact.....FACT that she creates most of her pain. The Psychologist got her to a place of no pain...then started asking her questions. Inside she felt her anger swell, "but you just don't get how much pain I am in!!!" and at the same time felt the tightness creeping up her neck and the pain in her back starting. Then he said something else and other areas of her body flared and calmed depending on what was said and her reaction to that.
Basically with his work she shifted dramatically into the realization of there is pain and there is that which I create to look like pain. YEHAH. she was radiant when she came home. Then I continued the work with some led meditation about going into the nothingness and for the first time she was able to feel inner earth come up to meet outter earth at the same time in her body. She looks 10 years younger than this morning.
Looks like we will be moving to a flat in Mosman Park soon. Yes, there is a place for me too. All sorts of changes.
peace to all.
gene
Thursday, 29 January 2009
ahhhhh life
Hello All,
Well, I can tell you that the help from Moira has been tremendous in framing my life new. I am not fully programmed yet. However, I am happy sitting in this "nothing' state of being. I feel no desire to get up and get going, being busy and crazy as I used to be. I find no direction of energies and that too is OK. My only doing for now is caring for Sara as has been mentioned in most of the last blogs since 20 Dec. 5.5 weeks now.
Sara did a 7 month crash into a yuck way of life that none of us would ever wish to do. And now a 5.5 week bounce out of that yuck pain filled lonely, separate from the world being. Now she is withdrawing from one of the pain meds and often the reactions are worse that the worst was before I came along. Every morning is pure hell.
Even I have noticed that when I wake and take a summary of my body I tend to look for what and how bad are the pains this morning. I then am able to go YEHAH and find or start looking for what great new adventures are we going to have today. Unfortunately, with Sara she just goes off into the what if it gets worse and never gets better again and creates even greater awareness of more pain and more suffering, and more and more and more and more.
Now, enough of Sara. I am looking this day at what I get out of this relationship. Well, 1st off I easily recognise that I am greatly wanted/needed by Sara who often states that she doesnt' know what she would do without me as I am the only one that has stuck around for the duration.
So, how bad is my need to be needed? Is it enough that I belittle myself and my potential and stay here keeping someone alive that probabaly ought to be turned loose of to make them face up to the reality of what they have created for themselves? I do see a clinging of me to her. And I see also that by my clinging onto giving her reason to live keeps her not owning up to the idea that she created this. I help keep her willing at some level to not get well. Sure she says she wants the pain to go away, who wouldn't, BUT, she has yet to embrace the pain, the creation of this mess. So, my being here supports her not owning this mess....is this clear what I am attempting to get across?
2nd, would be a place to live and some financial support with food. When I stay in my bubble of nothingness, I do not worry about the future. However, that bubble is easily protected in this safe environment of living under the support of Sara and family. Now even there is the potential of moving to a GREAT unit in Mosman Park overlooking the Swan Foreshore. The unit probably is a million dollar home with a 10 million dollar view, ha ha ha. I am certainly moving up. But......there is the but. My only tenure is as this carer. What am I trading to have this?
Freedom to be doing other things. Yet, in my instance...I have no drive to do anything else. CAn I not just accept the bounty that has come my way? That I can have this time to recover my own energies and build stronger again. That God has blessed me with this position, this location, this family, this opportunity?
Am I thinking too much again? or just stating my case? Well, hopefully, I am just stating my case as I see it in this instant. This now.
Good day all.
peace
gene
Well, I can tell you that the help from Moira has been tremendous in framing my life new. I am not fully programmed yet. However, I am happy sitting in this "nothing' state of being. I feel no desire to get up and get going, being busy and crazy as I used to be. I find no direction of energies and that too is OK. My only doing for now is caring for Sara as has been mentioned in most of the last blogs since 20 Dec. 5.5 weeks now.
Sara did a 7 month crash into a yuck way of life that none of us would ever wish to do. And now a 5.5 week bounce out of that yuck pain filled lonely, separate from the world being. Now she is withdrawing from one of the pain meds and often the reactions are worse that the worst was before I came along. Every morning is pure hell.
Even I have noticed that when I wake and take a summary of my body I tend to look for what and how bad are the pains this morning. I then am able to go YEHAH and find or start looking for what great new adventures are we going to have today. Unfortunately, with Sara she just goes off into the what if it gets worse and never gets better again and creates even greater awareness of more pain and more suffering, and more and more and more and more.
Now, enough of Sara. I am looking this day at what I get out of this relationship. Well, 1st off I easily recognise that I am greatly wanted/needed by Sara who often states that she doesnt' know what she would do without me as I am the only one that has stuck around for the duration.
So, how bad is my need to be needed? Is it enough that I belittle myself and my potential and stay here keeping someone alive that probabaly ought to be turned loose of to make them face up to the reality of what they have created for themselves? I do see a clinging of me to her. And I see also that by my clinging onto giving her reason to live keeps her not owning up to the idea that she created this. I help keep her willing at some level to not get well. Sure she says she wants the pain to go away, who wouldn't, BUT, she has yet to embrace the pain, the creation of this mess. So, my being here supports her not owning this mess....is this clear what I am attempting to get across?
2nd, would be a place to live and some financial support with food. When I stay in my bubble of nothingness, I do not worry about the future. However, that bubble is easily protected in this safe environment of living under the support of Sara and family. Now even there is the potential of moving to a GREAT unit in Mosman Park overlooking the Swan Foreshore. The unit probably is a million dollar home with a 10 million dollar view, ha ha ha. I am certainly moving up. But......there is the but. My only tenure is as this carer. What am I trading to have this?
Freedom to be doing other things. Yet, in my instance...I have no drive to do anything else. CAn I not just accept the bounty that has come my way? That I can have this time to recover my own energies and build stronger again. That God has blessed me with this position, this location, this family, this opportunity?
Am I thinking too much again? or just stating my case? Well, hopefully, I am just stating my case as I see it in this instant. This now.
Good day all.
peace
gene
Monday, 26 January 2009
life goes on
Hello All,
Well, after the hysterics of the Daughter coming home.....well there was just a lot of screaming going on for a few hours.
i was very concerned for Sara's health. I have been here just on 5 weeks and watched her grow considerably, then all come down around her knees. I was considering calling her sister in Adelaide or her mum and tell my worries. I bit my tongue and prayed for something better to happen.
Daughter decided to go to 2 - 18 year old parties on Friday night didn't bother calling home saying that she wasn't coming home that night. I was awakened at 7:45 am on Saturday with a teary S. in major pain. The day was ROUGH. Later that day she came good again.
On Sunday it was a near repeat as she had decided in the midst of all this stress to take one less of her pain medication down to zero. MAJOR pain the next day with much more weaping. She did an emergency call to a new lady we had heard about that heals nerve pain. We were able to leave immediately and S. was put on to a couple of different machines where the lady said nerve pain taken away is as simple as mowing the grass.
Well all and good, but it didn't happen. And now S. hopes were really really low. Still by the time we got home in early arvo she was coming good again. Strong enough to call the daughter and tell her that she couldn't come after her. The end result of this was that Sara went to her Sister's and they finally had a long sitdown talk to explain to the daughter where she was at with Doctor sister in attendance. Still mostly the talk was about finding why daughter didn't want to stay with her Aunty. Situation solved. She will move in with Aunty.
Sara again last night went with out the pain meds. a bit nervous this morning but getting stronger. I am a good person to have around again.
For me......I am working at staying in the nothing. I really don't know what/where/how is next. Many options. I have a little bit of money and could do many things BUT with the world economy the way that it is when I start thinking I get worried. When I stay in nothing, i am OK. And I am OK with that. I have a place, I have funds coming from the govt. There will be thousands more looking for funds soon as there have been many layoffs here in WA. Just need to chill and be very practical and work on my spirituality.
I woke this morning the first time in fear and wondering all the what if's. Then slept and woke into "stay in the nothingness" and have been doing well.
Peace to all of you.
May you be able to find a space in your life to sit in nothingness and find a way to not worry either.
gene
Well, after the hysterics of the Daughter coming home.....well there was just a lot of screaming going on for a few hours.
i was very concerned for Sara's health. I have been here just on 5 weeks and watched her grow considerably, then all come down around her knees. I was considering calling her sister in Adelaide or her mum and tell my worries. I bit my tongue and prayed for something better to happen.
Daughter decided to go to 2 - 18 year old parties on Friday night didn't bother calling home saying that she wasn't coming home that night. I was awakened at 7:45 am on Saturday with a teary S. in major pain. The day was ROUGH. Later that day she came good again.
On Sunday it was a near repeat as she had decided in the midst of all this stress to take one less of her pain medication down to zero. MAJOR pain the next day with much more weaping. She did an emergency call to a new lady we had heard about that heals nerve pain. We were able to leave immediately and S. was put on to a couple of different machines where the lady said nerve pain taken away is as simple as mowing the grass.
Well all and good, but it didn't happen. And now S. hopes were really really low. Still by the time we got home in early arvo she was coming good again. Strong enough to call the daughter and tell her that she couldn't come after her. The end result of this was that Sara went to her Sister's and they finally had a long sitdown talk to explain to the daughter where she was at with Doctor sister in attendance. Still mostly the talk was about finding why daughter didn't want to stay with her Aunty. Situation solved. She will move in with Aunty.
Sara again last night went with out the pain meds. a bit nervous this morning but getting stronger. I am a good person to have around again.
For me......I am working at staying in the nothing. I really don't know what/where/how is next. Many options. I have a little bit of money and could do many things BUT with the world economy the way that it is when I start thinking I get worried. When I stay in nothing, i am OK. And I am OK with that. I have a place, I have funds coming from the govt. There will be thousands more looking for funds soon as there have been many layoffs here in WA. Just need to chill and be very practical and work on my spirituality.
I woke this morning the first time in fear and wondering all the what if's. Then slept and woke into "stay in the nothingness" and have been doing well.
Peace to all of you.
May you be able to find a space in your life to sit in nothingness and find a way to not worry either.
gene
Friday, 23 January 2009
near death experience, Moving again
Hello everyone,
Been way too long since I last wrote. Life got a bit too..... and I wrote emails only to a group of 10 to keep track of my passage of time at that time. Now well, it is time to let one and all have a clue as to what was happening.
Last I wrote I had moved to my friends home to care for her. Talking about big changes and getting rid of all my STUFF.
Well, in the process of "letting go" of my stuff, I was also letting go of all my identity with my stuff. See Eckert Tolle's new book called something "new earth".
In letting go of the identity and having shifted home, and having no real direction in life, and no connections to anyone, and being a master number 38/11 with no earth signs......it seems I was also letting go of living in my body. About 20 days ago I woke one morning to zero energy. Totally exhausted, pooped, wasted, wiped out. It was all I could do to dress, fix food for myself and help Sara a few hours a day. After about the 3 day, on a trip to the beach, I remember commeting to Sara that it feels like I am "out there" pointing to space and doing a lot of energy to pull enough from out there to be able to drive the car safely. That same day when we turned around on the other end of the beach walk, I made it 25 paces before I collapsed. I gave Sara the keys and had her meet me on the highway near where I was. It was a downwind walk and I felt capable of doing that. I sat meditation for 30 minutes very blissfully.
The next day I talked with a friend who told me that the same thing happened to him 2 years ago and that he knew many people that this had happened too and they were meeting this weekend on Sunday evening. I found out that Sara knew of this group meeting and convinced her to return to it as she was a founding member.
After the general conversation and the reading of several channeled messages the host/teacher read out a 5 page channel. It listed, extreme tiredness as happening to many, serious dietary changes of eating what ever came by ones mouth even if it was something that the person had never eaten before, weight gains, no energy from any foods, burning feet. All of these I had had over the last year at one time or another.
At the end, I asked if I could state what was going on for me. Let go Let go let go and trust. I explained how I had been directed to get rid of everything and how the STUFF felt like filth that I needed to rid myself of. At the end, I also mentioned the 38/11 no earth signs etc.
Two women picked up on parts of my talk and informed me that I was well on the way to dying as I was "letting go" of my body as well as my stuff. I introduced Sara to Moira as she is a healer of foot pain.
Wednesday 10 days ago Sara and I went to see Moira at her home in Bullsbrook. Moira talked with Sara and told her what was possible. Then she turned to me and said, "Gene, if you wish to die, I can help you to do that, if you wish to live, I can help you do that...." I told Moira, " I choose to live". I cannot tell you exactly what she did, I really don't remember. I did sit in her energy centre (vortex) and know....let me change that KNOW that the next morning when i drew a breath on waking, it was the first time in a long time where I felt that I had energy enter and that it was on the increase.
On Thursday I had set up that I would return to see Moira for work on me specifically. I have been brought out of darkness into a profound sense of NOTHING. no direction in life, no goals, no noise, no idle chatter, no desire...NOTHING. When Sara heard on Wed night that I was going up again, she decided to tag along. I reluctantly agreed. The whole morning to get there was like a nightmare. It was HELL. I finally found the only synonym that seems to fit. Imagine a 17 year old boy with many siblings who has finally managed to have a day to himself. he has it all planned and all is well until just as he is to step out the door, GOD says, take your 6 year old sister with you. Sara felt and acted like a 6 year old bratty snot of a sister the whole morning.
When we walked in the meeting room at Moira's Moira asked Sara, "How are you doing?" S said in a quiet, subdued voice, "i'm fine". Then as I came in she asked me, "Gene, how are you doing?" "I am frustrated and angry as hell!!!" Moira, says, "great I programed that into the both of you." grrrrrr.
Through the day, we worked through many details of our relationship. I was given verbal notification that if Sara really got mad with me I would have 3 weeks notice to leave. No more sexual requests of veiled nature that I felt very uncomfortable with because I though that I would get kicked out of the house etc.
As we left, I thanked Sara for coming on this day.
Since then I have returned to see Moira twice. more on that later
For now, one week after Sara's promise of giving me 3 weeks notice, it has been given, ha ha ha. And now two days after that, the bitch daughter has moved back in and most of the work that I have successfully done for Sara in getting her supported and stronger has gone down the drain. Sara is back to being a basket case and is in lots of pain and whinging all the time again. Ha ha ha. So is life.
The good side is that I had a place to be for my near demise and have moved most of my stuff out. And re outfitted myself ready to hit the road. Also, with Moira's help have established myself among the living with new agenda's, I will talk more about that in the next blog.
peace
gene
remember new email address
genemartinshafer@gmail.com
Been way too long since I last wrote. Life got a bit too..... and I wrote emails only to a group of 10 to keep track of my passage of time at that time. Now well, it is time to let one and all have a clue as to what was happening.
Last I wrote I had moved to my friends home to care for her. Talking about big changes and getting rid of all my STUFF.
Well, in the process of "letting go" of my stuff, I was also letting go of all my identity with my stuff. See Eckert Tolle's new book called something "new earth".
In letting go of the identity and having shifted home, and having no real direction in life, and no connections to anyone, and being a master number 38/11 with no earth signs......it seems I was also letting go of living in my body. About 20 days ago I woke one morning to zero energy. Totally exhausted, pooped, wasted, wiped out. It was all I could do to dress, fix food for myself and help Sara a few hours a day. After about the 3 day, on a trip to the beach, I remember commeting to Sara that it feels like I am "out there" pointing to space and doing a lot of energy to pull enough from out there to be able to drive the car safely. That same day when we turned around on the other end of the beach walk, I made it 25 paces before I collapsed. I gave Sara the keys and had her meet me on the highway near where I was. It was a downwind walk and I felt capable of doing that. I sat meditation for 30 minutes very blissfully.
The next day I talked with a friend who told me that the same thing happened to him 2 years ago and that he knew many people that this had happened too and they were meeting this weekend on Sunday evening. I found out that Sara knew of this group meeting and convinced her to return to it as she was a founding member.
After the general conversation and the reading of several channeled messages the host/teacher read out a 5 page channel. It listed, extreme tiredness as happening to many, serious dietary changes of eating what ever came by ones mouth even if it was something that the person had never eaten before, weight gains, no energy from any foods, burning feet. All of these I had had over the last year at one time or another.
At the end, I asked if I could state what was going on for me. Let go Let go let go and trust. I explained how I had been directed to get rid of everything and how the STUFF felt like filth that I needed to rid myself of. At the end, I also mentioned the 38/11 no earth signs etc.
Two women picked up on parts of my talk and informed me that I was well on the way to dying as I was "letting go" of my body as well as my stuff. I introduced Sara to Moira as she is a healer of foot pain.
Wednesday 10 days ago Sara and I went to see Moira at her home in Bullsbrook. Moira talked with Sara and told her what was possible. Then she turned to me and said, "Gene, if you wish to die, I can help you to do that, if you wish to live, I can help you do that...." I told Moira, " I choose to live". I cannot tell you exactly what she did, I really don't remember. I did sit in her energy centre (vortex) and know....let me change that KNOW that the next morning when i drew a breath on waking, it was the first time in a long time where I felt that I had energy enter and that it was on the increase.
On Thursday I had set up that I would return to see Moira for work on me specifically. I have been brought out of darkness into a profound sense of NOTHING. no direction in life, no goals, no noise, no idle chatter, no desire...NOTHING. When Sara heard on Wed night that I was going up again, she decided to tag along. I reluctantly agreed. The whole morning to get there was like a nightmare. It was HELL. I finally found the only synonym that seems to fit. Imagine a 17 year old boy with many siblings who has finally managed to have a day to himself. he has it all planned and all is well until just as he is to step out the door, GOD says, take your 6 year old sister with you. Sara felt and acted like a 6 year old bratty snot of a sister the whole morning.
When we walked in the meeting room at Moira's Moira asked Sara, "How are you doing?" S said in a quiet, subdued voice, "i'm fine". Then as I came in she asked me, "Gene, how are you doing?" "I am frustrated and angry as hell!!!" Moira, says, "great I programed that into the both of you." grrrrrr.
Through the day, we worked through many details of our relationship. I was given verbal notification that if Sara really got mad with me I would have 3 weeks notice to leave. No more sexual requests of veiled nature that I felt very uncomfortable with because I though that I would get kicked out of the house etc.
As we left, I thanked Sara for coming on this day.
Since then I have returned to see Moira twice. more on that later
For now, one week after Sara's promise of giving me 3 weeks notice, it has been given, ha ha ha. And now two days after that, the bitch daughter has moved back in and most of the work that I have successfully done for Sara in getting her supported and stronger has gone down the drain. Sara is back to being a basket case and is in lots of pain and whinging all the time again. Ha ha ha. So is life.
The good side is that I had a place to be for my near demise and have moved most of my stuff out. And re outfitted myself ready to hit the road. Also, with Moira's help have established myself among the living with new agenda's, I will talk more about that in the next blog.
peace
gene
remember new email address
genemartinshafer@gmail.com
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